GROWing UP

“Vicky, how old am I turning again? No I think we did a mistake counting the years because I am definitely missing one”
“No Tess, that’s correct. You are actually turning.. blurred out sound

As children we always keep preaching what we want to be and what we want to do when we grow up. What kind of a car you will drive and the kind of a house you will live in. In school you are always asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?” And we would always shout at the top of our lungs “when I grow up, I want to be a: doctor, pilot, neurosurgeon, president, engineer.” Not to say that some people did not end up achieving their goals and dreams. But as for some of us life took a total different turn.

As we continue to progress with school, life changes at a slower rate and we start to loose sight of what we wanted to achieve as children. It starts with wanting to join national high school but your grades place you at a provincial school. And your career goals start changing from doctor and eventually you end up as a patient. You then join university and somehow it gets worst and you are now hoping as a patient, you just come out alive. From, failing various units, to retakes, to differing courses and finally graduating with whatever you managed to achieve.

All this while, we are celebrating our birthdays, which keep evolving from cutting marble cake as a child, (that is if you were lucky enough to have parents who remembered such things as birthdays and had enough to spare for them to buy you a cake) to going out with your friends to celebrate at a club, get stupid drunk on cheap liquor and hopefully you get laid by your crush. In all this events, we don’t seem to realise that we are growing up, too much and too fast.

And one day it hits you. It hits you hard like when a corner of window pane hits your head. The realisation that you now have to start fending for yourself. You are on your own. And suddenly your life is truly in your own hands. You are your own responsibility. I don’t believe school, parents, friends, acquaintances, whoever the fuck is in your life ever prepares you for the harsh reality of what “GROWING UP” truly means. We just talk of having a good career, doing a good job you love and being the richest you can be in life as if it happens overnight.

Don’t forget growing up means too much, we lose friends, some we gain. We lose several boyfriends and girlfriends, some find the true ones. Some get children, while others get miscarriages. Some get jobs, while others find it difficult securing even an internship. Some are assisted by their families, while others are chased out. Some gain weight, while some lose it. Some find the true meaning of loyalty while others are betrayed by their closest ones. But the hardest of them all and most certainly inevitable is we lose loved ones to death. We learn grief, we carry it with us and some learn to let go while others cling on to it as if it were their lifeline. All this events which is just but a few, forces us to grow up.

All in all, we end up at that position that somehow, if not completely messes up with our minds. We develop different characters and behaviours, we handle responsibility differently. Circles become smaller and we become more cautious of whom we let in. Trust becomes hard to give as we are suspicious of the ulterior motives that one harbours. We become more judgy of the lifestyle others lead while we forget to analyse our own. We break our rules and do what we swore never to do.

Sometimes our hopes and dreams dwindle. And the future is unclear. You are not sure if you will make it or not, uncertain of who will be in your life and who will leave. Whenever any event occurs, you are disappointed but not surprised. Years keep passing by and the pressures start getting to you. It’s like you don’t have much time in life and there is nothing you have done so far. And every effort you put in keeps ending in paying rent. You want to do more, be more, cross the boundaries, break the horizons and achieve your infinity but at the same time you feel like you are losing it all. Working at a job that does not match your career. Earning salary that barely provides a decent living. Sadness, pain and fatigue become your new companions. Surely, depression and frustration is set to follow. And it’s easy to lose sight of it all and go into oblivion.

But I believe that as long as we have got breath in our lungs, then we live to fight another day. When we truly learn what “GROWING UP” means and continue to learn, then lets wake up, sharpen up our tools and go to the battlefield. We should become more fierce and chase our dreams as if it’s the end of it all. Stand for ourselves more often and fight what is standing in the way of our success. Even if that means fighting yourself to achieve it all.

Let’s rekindle our light, for it’s in the light that we will always find the path.