Life in 20s is the most confusing times. Nothing is really happening but there is too much going on. Most of the time We have deep conversation for hours without knowing each others names. Hell we even finish university and we are so happy and excited for each other and we don’t even have the slightest idea of who the other person is and what they have been through. Whether we are in school, walking home, at a party, having lunch or we are just relaxed inside that party house with dim lights making bad choices we are always talking about lots of random stuff, our lives, what we want (hope) to be and the progress we are making. But the most common phrase I have heard regardless of the type of group I am conversing with is “I QUIT ALCOHOL”. Lord knows I have misused that phrase as well.
At early 20s we are majorly broke, transitioning from university to real world, from internships to being actually employed, from unemployment to founding different businesses and making it work. This is where you have to work to buy your own meal and learn how to take up responsibilities. Somehow we are still dependant on our parents and siblings mostly for financial support.
Going through this phase we are always looking for a coping mechanism to help us get by. We all find different ways to cope whether it’s through listening to music, watching movies, talking to each other, reading and saving memes, creating and sharing funny videos, gaining likes and popularity on social media. But nothing beats getting drunk with your friends. As broke as you all are, we are always able to scramble up that one thousand shillings to buy cheap alcohol and drown our sorrows in it.
Too much happen in between the first sip and waking up in the morning in a stranger’s bed. At times we don’t want to go through the details of what happened. We just say I QUIT ALCOHOL. It’s always hard listening to your friends tell you how you misbehaved last night. It always goes like “waaah si Jana ulichoma picha”. And you immediately want them to stab you so you don’t have to listen to what you were doing. At times you wake up and on your way to the bathroom you step on something slimy. Oh it smells and yes you puked all over your house. Eww. Then comes the worst part, nursing hangover. You are trying to eat and take a little water but the body betrays you and throws it all out. So you sleep the whole day and when you wake up your eyes are so white it’s like you are dying of some terrible disease and you have lacked blood for the past seven months. At times you wake up in a house you have never seen before, next to eight other people asking the same thing, where am I? You are in a strange location and you have to ask for the bus stop. The crazy one is waking up all soaked in drainage water. I mean how do we manage not to drown in that flowing black water when we fall head in, legs up and we can’t get ourselves out cause we are too wasted. God definitely loves drunkards because it’s amazing how many stories I can write about what we do when drunk and manage to live a century to laugh about it. I bet all of you can tell me a story or two of your worst alcohol screw up.
You finally feel a little bit better and you pick your phone to call your friends to check up on them. Believe me that drunk me has a lot of friends that sober me can’t remember. You open your phone and you have ten different messages from strangers asking if you got home safe, if you want to meet up again or if you are going out for drinks again with them that night. And you wonder who to text back and whom to ignore because you can’t quite remember who was who. But eventually they all go quite. I think it’s probably because they all texted you when they were drunk too and in the morning they wonder who the fuck did I ask out again tonight?
Then comes the ex part. Last night you told him or her you still love them and you want to get back with them. You probably left a voice note of you crying and singing along to some stupid love song. When you listen to it at first you ask whose voice that is and realize it’s yours and you are totally embarrassed by it. If you are crazy you left a message that went like this “watch out when crossing the road. I just got my driver’s license and I plan on running you over” You check your phone the next day and you want to text back to tell them how someone else had your phone and was playing a sick prank when they said they still loved you or apologize about running them over so they don’t file an harassment suite over you.
At times we impersonate a totally different person. I once told this woman I was pregnant and was afraid of telling my boyfriend. I found out she lived somewhere near me and was inquiring from my friend how I am holding up. I can’t meet her because she was quite concerned over my false pregnancy and my boyfriend’s reaction. I believe that some of us have been worst than that in impersonification. But this was a drunk you living someone else’s life and you have to cut this people off because they have a real different impression of who you are. Oh how we disgrace ourselves.
The mysterious part is finding yourself in your bed and you have no clue of how you got back. Somehow you managed to call an Uber with a one percent battery charge and gave perfect direction to your house. You even paid them and got back your exact change. You climbed all those stairs unlocked your door, got in, locked your door, changed into your pajamas and got into bed. But you can’t remember any of those events. At times you even decide you are Chuck Norris and you can walk all by yourself to your place. You are absolutely staggering but you are untouchable. You even fall down a couple of times and feel no pain. Just wait till morning and you will be wishing to be on pain medication. My uncle once came home totally wasted, he had been pierced by cactus. It appears he was having a fun time rolling all over them. He had thorns all over his body and we helped to get off the ones on his legs and arms. The rest was for him to deal with. The funny part is those thorns were poisonous and in the morning he was completely swollen. Oh I wish you could see how he was walking around. But as they say the journey of a drunkard begins with a single staggering step.
At the bottom of the bottle we all have our poisonous monsters. The monster of our reality. Why are we so happy or so sad when we are totally drunk? Raise your hand if you have cried your heart out over the silliest of things when you are too drunk to stand on one foot. Raise your hand if you have been at your best when drunk and helped a stranger by holding her hair so she can puke.
We are so many things when we are drunk. We are fearless, we are vulnerable, we are the realest, we enjoy all type of music, we are so open to strangers, we are polite, we are liars, we are unstoppable until we get caught by the police ha ha. I think we do not want to hear what we do when we are too drunk because it mostly portrays who we are. The other side of us that we suppress. The side we are not proud of or the side that we wish we were on a daily basis. We are completely the people our parents know nothing about.
How I wish they could see how we dance our hearts out and laugh when we are drunk. I wish they saw how much of the little kids we still are who needs cuddling every night.
So we wake up in the morning cursing alcohol and all the demons that come with it. It’s mid morning and we have to find our way back to our houses dressed in last night wretched clothes ricking of alcohol and cigarette smoke. We completely do not know what came of us last night and what prompted us into doing all those silly, stupid, crazy things. We relive those moments in our minds going through every detail. This is the walk of shame. The walk of shame filled with regret, pain, sadness, happiness, doubts, love, anger, frustration and jugdey eyes from the people who saw us leave last night only to come back in the morning. We swear not to touch alcohol again.
But next Friday you get a call to a party invite where there is free booze, new friends and within an hour we are texting our location ready for party after party.
So let’s get the party started and let the circle of the walk of shame begin again.
Travel With Tess 