Be Kinder

We all have stories about our lives. Let’s all be kinder to each other

I once came across this meme it read, “macool kid hawana stories, ongea na msee wa slum uskie maajabu (cool kids don’t have interesting stories. Talk with someone from slums about their life and you will hear miracles)” It was a funny meme, I laughed. I laughed like I laugh at every other meme I deem funny, remaining completely oblivious of what it actually meant and it’s depth.

We live in a society where we greet each other with warm smiles and the answer is always hi, I am good. Even our boring chats always go like
“Hi”
*Hi*
How are you?
I’m good… How are you
I’m good too..
The end.

The question is, are we really good? I realized there is too much we do not know about the people in our lives. If you say you know your best friend then answer this simple things such as what is their full name. Have you met their parents? Do they have parents or siblings? Who is their boyfriend or girlfriend? Or did I go too far with the questions? Let me rewind to just a few seconds ago, when was the last time he or she ate? Are they okay? When did you last check up on them? Are they happy?

We live in an era where most of us have been enslaved by our phones. When a major or minor event occurs we do not think to celebrate it with our closed ones first, rather we just go on internet and post about it. When we are having dinner with our families after a long day of working and being away from them, we continue checking our phones instead of putting them aside and asking them how their day went.

Well I did not say technology is all bad, oh mighty internet “god” do not strike me from your grace and glory. I mean it’s amazing to be seated at home just order your meal with a push of a button. Plus I am a keyboard warrior myself. So I am not saying leave your dearest gadgets at home because the irony of it, is we need them to reach out to our families and friends. But how much do we really connect with them. Whether it’s on a one on one basis or through the internet. Do we really disclose what is happening in our lives or “I’m good” has become the norm hence that’s where the story should end.

Everyone has a story about their lives and where they came from. As I grow up, being around different people from different backgrounds, I realized we are not the same and that’s the beauty of it. We all have a different way of upbringing and there is always so much we can learn from each other.

Some people are fortunate enough to come from a proper family where there is a father, mother and children sometimes even extended family such as grandparents. Where the parents have devoted their lives to provide an amazing future for the children and raise them with good morals and values.

Some people come from families where they have been raised by a single parent. Where he or she has to work from dawn till dusk to make ends meet without ever breaking down or complaining. At the same time he or she makes time to always be there for the children.
Some people are raised from a family where the mother is always holding down the fort while the father comes home drunk every evening to beat her up and make demands. The father even goes ahead to sell the family land and squander all the cash on cheap liqour and women.

Some come from families that are completely broken and parents have never shown a bit of remorse for their actions. And the children have to find ways to raise each other. Some even drop out of school to start earning low wages so they can feed their young brothers and sisters.
Some people don’t even have an identity of where they come from and try to build one from wherever they are raised, be it an adoption home or a children’s home. It could be because they lost their parents at a young age or they never had them at all.

Life has thrown us all kinds of blows and it continues to. In all this, whom do we turn to. As time passes by, I have come to realize I enjoy being shown the parts of us that we hide. The vulnerable side. Because that is where our true human nature lies. That is the only way we know how to handle the other person well. But people do not show you their vulnerability unless they are very comfortable with you and are not afraid that you will run away once you find out who they really are. So what do we do to gain the trust. What I know is, it’s all in the openness that we gain that kind of trust. When I show you who I truly am without the fear of being judged, you also get comfortable enough and with time you unfold.

I know it can be very hard to always air out our emotions, fear, thoughts and dreams even our frustrations and anger. So we keep it bottled up trying to handle it all on our own. But a human being is a social being and he/she cannot live as an island. Eventually we end up needing each other. Be it, your mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, name them all. But when this happens and a loved one needs someone to talk to, are you the one he or she can confide in. Do you think you have done enough to show them I will always hold your hand no matter how hard life gets, I’ll stand by you? Do they have that firm believe in you coming through for them in their hour of need? Do they feel safe and secured enough with you?

When we are with strangers and acquaintances be it on the streets, workplace, school, church, anywhere, what kind of energy do we put out there? How do we treat the people we pass by daily. In your entire life have you ever stopped in a street and offered an homeless person that take away meal you were carrying home? Have you ever offered a stranger a sanitary towel? Have you ever gave coins to a band singing on the streets? Have you smiled at a stranger, greet them warmly, make a bad joke together laugh about it and go your way? Have you ever donated your old sweater to a children’s home? Have you ever participated in clean ups? There is so much we can always give but greatest of them all is our kindness. We do not have to be rich to offer help, because it’s the little effort you put in that goes a long way.

We talk about making an impact in people’s lives and maybe even helping others change their lives. But it’s in this small gestures and show of affection that we touch people’s lives. Maybe they were having a bad day and in making that bad joke with a stranger, you made their day and gave them the energy to go on. You have changed their lives even if it’s just for a day, and maybe that’s enough. Maybe they were walking around feeling that the ocean is deep as they sky is tall but they were feeling that they are no one at all.

I believe in Karma, the good type; and that goodness we put out there can always come back to you in the most unseen, unexpected ways. We live in a world full of possibilities and we never know just how our lives could drastically change. We do not know who may rescue us tomorrow or whom we may end up rescuing.

The society has shackled us into conforming to its rules. That men should always be strong neither should they cry in public. That showing affection is weakness. That accepting defeat is being a loser. That a woman should always be fully dressed if not she is a whore. If she fully dresses she is a bore. That if you do not go to school you are uneducated and illiterate. That if you are slim you are sick or on drugs, if you are fat you are unhealthy. That if you have dreadlocks you smoke weed. That if you come from a slum you are a thief. That if you go to clubs you are a sinner. That if you go to church you are a saint.

In family gatherings, social media, daily life or any event you will always hear someone ask “You are not married yet?” “You do not have kids yet?” You should start making haste. People give you all this critics and remain completely oblivious of what you could actually be going through to have not reached that point yet. So many rules to continue making us miserable.

But dial back to who is the society. We are the society. We are the ones who judged each other at every turn. Never stopping to ask, “WHY”. Our circumstances are not always the same. There is a reason for a person to steal. There is a reason for a person to be a prostitute. There is a reason for a person to be meanass, stone cold bitch. I am not saying I condone the behaviour, I am saying, as grown ups, we are not all about celebrating the heroes, rather it’s more about understanding the villain.

Thing is we all have grown in different ways and this has instilled different characters in us. It has shaped our perceptions on different views. But as we grow up, do we stop and ask ourselves what is the direction we want to head? Do we want to rebuild better than what we had or are we recreating the monsters of yesterday. How do we heal from the traumatic events that have already occurred in our lives. How do we make sure no one else goes through the rough part you’ve been. Truth is most of us are damaged and we may be too distracted with life to notice it. We all need healing, but some are not aware of what and how to heal.

Nobody has all the answers, but we can always be transparent with each other, be compassionate and open to all kinds of love. To those who cannot speak, be their voice, shine a little light and give sight to the ones who have lost their way. We can always find our way back or way forward if we are brave enough to seek. And if we cannot seek solace in each other, let us seek it in the Higher being and place our unwavering faith in him because he never fails to come through.

Above all, let’s be kinder to ourselves. Let us take time to understand our emotions, thoughts and feelings. We are all work in progress. Let’s rebuild ourselves every minute of our lives. It matters what we tell ourselves, stop speaking negatively about yourself or your life, even as a joke. Your spirit doesn’t know the difference.

It does not matter what people throw at you, rather what matters is how you choose to react to it. Some battles are not worth fighting but when it’s time to stand up for yourself, then stand firm and fight back with every bit of breath left in you. Let’s fill our lives with hobbies, good music, food we enjoy, good people, anything that makes it easier for us to always move on in a healthy direction. In doing so, we become happier people, for happiness emanates within self. And it is in this little things we do for ourselves that we can gain emphathy for others and treat them much better.